4 years (Part 2)

She had every right to move on. This you knew beyond doubt or defiance. You knew you should let her go but you can’t because you don’t know how to. You have chosen to stay loving her no matter what. You have chosen not to move on; you say to her. As crazy as that may seem.

She doesn’t understand she says back. A part of you didn’t expect her to. Yet you see a glint of conviction in her eyes each time you tell her. Her eyes become teary and full of absolute compassion. You know she believes it but she just doesn’t understand it or how it will change the situation. She was right.

You are still very angry and bitter about the situation and how it all turned out. The more you look into her tearful eyes, the more you know this is not going to go unresolved. No matter how long it was going to take. Down the road you were about to take, there will be many twists and turns but it will eventually culminate into what was right: An apology and an acceptance.

You find that this resolution gives you more energy, more drive to want to succeed and achieve more of your lofty dreams. You were not sure if this will help you get her back. All you knew at the moment was that you were not going away from her. You were sure you needed her in your life. More than she needs you. You see, she’s stronger than you. This you have always known.

You know you will be very happy with her. You knew exactly what made her tick. You knew how to manage her anger, her frustrations and her excesses. This you didn’t realize till she told you herself; saying that’s one of the reasons it’s been so hard to let go. She knows you beyond you know yourself so much so she will catch you in a lie even before you verbalized it.

It was your birthday a few weeks back. Even though, you had trained yourself never to expect anything from anyone - probably why you hardly ask for help from anyone – but you couldn’t help but look forward to a gift from her. She had made it a yearly routine which you had become used to. The gift never came through this time. It was a big shock and it got to you big time. No, it wasn’t about the gift. It was the love and person behind the gift.

She wanted to pass across a message that things are not the same. They weren’t no doubt. But you know she still loves you unconditionally despite this. And you still love her beyond reasonable doubt. Nonetheless, you appreciated having her around you on your birthday. You were not exactly sure how old you had become. There wasn’t really any reason to celebrate. At least not at the moment.

Your eyes swell up as you try to fight off the tears. You were not where you wanted to be in your life and she is a major part of where you want to be. You clean out your teary eyes; you had work to do. Chief among this being not losing her as you fight this battle.  You were certain of one thing: this will not go unresolved.

Foye.