Having opined in the first sequel to this blog that “Most emotions towards the other human being tends to change over a short or long course of time”, the Cynic in me was going to confirm this all over with Chika, my only ever Igbo ex-girlfriend. Ok hold on. Let’s go to the beginning of the story like all good stories do.
As a growing boy, Mum like all good mothers would say to me and my brothers “Beware of girls, they would hinder your success”. Mum would threaten further “If you like impregnate a girl, I’ll disown you and the baby together” as if She didn’t crave to have a grandchild. Of course, her fears were appropriate and well timed. She wanted a good and perfect life for her wards if there ever is anything like that.
I would hold on to these notions until my belief about a whole lot of things were going to be questioned in my early undergrad days. At this point, all my former beliefs were to be quashed and retracted. However, long held notions are hard to disengage from.
I would continue in this fallible path till I decided to date Funke in my final undergrad year in Great Ife. She would give me my very first and ever heart break. Funke’s simple reason had been that she wanted to get married and I wasn’t ready. Of course I wasn’t ready; I was just in my final year in school. We remain good friends and she’s still yet to be married.
However, before I finally graduated, there was Ope; the nicest lady I’ve ever known. There was Kofo who wouldn’t date me because I wasn’t rich or #tush enough. #Yeye girl. After practically giving her my old rickety Honda to drive around campus. Ah, what a past!!! We remain friends.
Fast forward a couple of years and two career relocations. Enter 2011 when I decided yet again to have a stable relationship after some personal psychological dissuasion.
I had always excused my being single under a pretext that I wasn’t ready to get serious with any female folk. Or that I wanted to concentrate on my career and other fallible excuses that we male folks tend to give when we are scared of long term commitments. The career excuse is true however and it seemed sublime and cogent at the time. It remains so.
I also wasn’t so sure I was capable of loving someone. I wasn’t sure I believed in love. My perspectives and world view had inevitably changed yet I reckoned I had to get married and have kids someday. Not because everyone seems to be getting married or because the society suggests so at a particular stage one gets to. I’m no apologist for nuptial engagements especially those premised on caving to societal and familial mandates. However, it could be more complicated than that in some cases.
Ok, back to the story.
In the middle of my unsavory cynicism, I would decide to go into a serious relationship. This time with Chika.
Feisty, opinionated, beautiful and with a mind of her own, Chika got me convinced to date her. Of course I did the asking like all noble relationships in a cultural clime like ours is expected to begin. Not to forget, Chika is the most emotionally intelligent woman I have ever met. All this put together cowed my cynicism and caution was thrown to the gutters.
Four months down the line, I knew it had been a mistake. I guess she realized it too for we had both come together for different reasons. She, for her copious expectations unbeknownst to me and I, for my desire to have a stable relationship for a change. Here were two people who were professing undying affection for each other. Here were two people who switched from affection to indifference in a matter of months. Alas, maybe the affection was never truly there. However, there seems to be a thin line between the two divides of emotion with a tilt to either side of the scale as fickle as a Galileo’s feather.
The question I had asked in the first sequel to this blog resounded again in my mind. “Why have emotions you couldn’t guarantee will persist interminably and unchangingly?”. And yet again, I couldn’t answer. Or maybe I’m just getting it all wrong.
However, the Chronicles of a Cynic wouldn’t end there. Chika and I would remain good friends. The Cynic in me wasn’t done yet, he needed more lessons.
Meet Tolani, a banker, who happens to be unsure of what she wants. Attractive, expressive and with good home training, she seemed stuck in an emotional limbo with an ex who departed to go plan his marriage with another lady. Lesson learnt: She throws the proverbial friendship carrot at you >>> You are on a long thing.
Meet Kemi, a Neurosurgeon. Strong willed, deliberate and task oriented, Kemi would intrigue the cynic to a point he almost fell for her. They would court, if it ever could be called that, till she probed for his religious state of mind. She was never to pick up his calls after that conversation. She must have thought he was the devil himself. A burgeoning relationship came crashing like a pack of dominoes. Lesson learnt: Never divulge all your views, true or pseudo, in one sitting.
Meet Shola, a pretty working class damsel. She would throw the green light subtly at the Cynic and he wouldn’t see it. He was pretty much preoccupied with his career and life at the time. The Cynic actually regrets not seeing that green light. He would want to retrace his steps but it would be too late.
So goes the Chronicles of a Cynic who doesn’t understand women in the least. He tries but he always falters. He thinks, with slight indifference, that women are not meant to be understood. He hopes he is wrong. In all, however, he believes women are wonderful creations.
Foye.
Ps. The characters above are mostly fictional and do not represent any particular person.