I almost died. Four times. And all four times seemed same leaving an indelible indent on my bashed up psyche. Yet, I’m still here living on borrowed time for I may have out spent mine.
@Toinlicious would submit that I may have nine lives as the fabled aphorism of cat with nine lives goes. At least, I still have five more to spend away if the aphorism is anything to go by. But, by and large, I have learnt my lessons. And in a very hard way.
The last time, I had preempted it. Not because I had some prescient or clairvoyant skills acquired from apprenticeship under some baba alawo living in some ramshackle. One wonders how such babas living so poorly could make other humans supposedly rich under their magical promulgation. How bizarre!!! Anyways, some of them may have become modernized using Ipads, Iphones and Bluetooth earpieces. Imagine some baba using the email to send his diabolic deeds to an unknowing recipient in far away Austria. Think innovation!!!
Anyways, back to the point. My preemption of the last time was more or less based on a premonition I had been having for over a month and a half before it finally happened. Its possibility had always stared me in the face but I always shook it off with the relished confidence of a cat with nine lives. Alas, that confidence was drained out of me when my car somersaulted in a daring and starling lone accident on the Ilesha-Ibadan Express road exactly a year ago today.
I was lucky. I came out unscathed but I couldn’t say the same for my official car. It was almost a write off. Save for the neck sprain I experienced to which my NeuroSurgeon friend Kemi, did an xray and even wanted a CT scan, I was fine. I bet she wanted to scare me a bit or she did so out of utter care. We had a little stint if it could be called that till it went awry between us. Not my fault definitely. These things happen.
Not being much of a religious person, I’m not going to offer you any of those fallible excuses that my accident was destined to happen. I would rather subscribe to the justification that I saw it coming and I did absolutely nothing to prevent it. However, it is interesting to note that my thoughts few minutes before my accident was actually on my unreligious state of mind and I was in the process of setting a timeline for a review.
And then BANG!!! It happened and all I could see was the car somersaulting. I could have sworn it was those thoughts that caused my accident. Better still, one could easily rationalize that God indeed wanted to teach me a lesson. Did I learn the lesson? Maybe.
In the midst of all these, one wonders what happens when one really dies. If the “judgment day” is anything to go by, I figured I’d have this kind of conversation with The Maker:
God: So Foye, why didn’t you believe in me?
Me: *trembling* I actually believe in you, God. I just had some doubts.
God: And those doubts were sufficient enough for you to lose eternity?
Me: *assumes best gait* No, God. But the world you put us in is very crazy. We have our pastors buying and selling private jets, romancing with oil subsidy politicians and oil subsidy business men.
God: *confused look* Did you say oil subsidy? What is that, Foye?
Me: *surprised look*Oil subsidy is that thing that once it is removed causes #OccupyNigeria because the people will have to undergo so much economic anguish and they don’t want to because Jona and cohorts feed fat on their money.
God: Hmmmmmmmmm
Me: *seizes opportunity* For example, Farouk Lawan is an oil subsidy politician and Femi Otedola is an oil subsidy business man. And an example of oil subsidy pastor is………..*God interrupts*
God: But, that’s not an excuse to lose yourself and your salvation.
Me: But God, you won’t blame me entirely o. But then, I have a little blame sha. By the way God, where is Farouk Lawan and Otedola? Have they come this way? Those little crooks *hisses*
God: Those two?? They kept haggling about several million dollars like market women. I put them in that waiting pen *points direction*
Me: Ok, that’s good for them. Awon oloshi.
God: So what do I do with you now ehn? What good did you do in the world?
Me: Em em *mumbles some incoherent words*
On that note, God directed me to go and sin no more. And just then did I wake up from my reverie.
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As the year draws to a close, it’s that time one wants to assess and recalibrate all over again. Even though I do not necessarily believe that it should be done just at the tail end of the year.
Honestly, it’s been a long, exciting and stressful year and I’m thankful for the little things I was able to achieve. The one thing that didn’t work out so well was my relationship status as much as I wanted it to. I would discover that I may have commitment issues. And no, it isn’t that bad.
Shout out to my close friend, Diran, who will be tying the knots soon. I wish him marital bliss. I’m actually going to miss him in bachelorhood.
Merry Xmas and Happy new year in advance.
Foye.