Things never really change, or do they?

Ok so I’m going to go direct, albeit unusually, on this. I have not written anything besides academic papers and publications, which I thoroughly enjoy doing by the way, in over a year. And it sure feels weird. May be not totally. I had been faltering in writing before then – there has simply not being enough time and it’s been an interesting 2-3 years. Rock bottom, they say, always gives a different perspective. Let’s just say I was few meters away from it but that’s a discussion for another day.

These days, I bask in the reality that even when perspectives and situations change, people may or may not remain the same. Most times, people and things remain the same even with new information. It takes a truly critical mind to change perspectives as new information emerges. One wonders how seemingly adult individuals sometimes expect a different result using the same old method and rules of engagement. Alas, the mind of human being is endlessly inexplicable.

Friendships. In the last year or so, I took a break from my closest friends and friends generally. I needed to find myself all over again - I find that it is important for one to constantly find one’s self as situations emerge. But I also gained a few new friendships with my Indian friends – overall down to heart, great and supportive guys. I find that our culture and experiences are somewhat similar and relatable. I recently tried to reconnect back with an old friend who I have loads of respect for and had being very supportive and non-judgemental in the past. I was pleasantly surprised to find this person to be the exact opposite of the things I originally admired and respected. But then, situations have emerged. Or not.  

Love. I find that life has a cyclical nature to it. Sometimes, you end up exactly where you started from at the end of the day. My love life seems to have adopted this viewpoint. I find, and I have not have always known this, that love or any commitment is more about mutual respect, appreciation and lots of compromises, reticence and restrain.  

Family. Recently tried to reconnect back with the old family. I’m still unsure if this was the best decision, but it was the right thing to do. I realized time and again that some things never really change even with emerging situations and time to audit. I am almost convinced I’m better off staying away. For my peace of mind, this option remains open. Peace of mind trumps everything.  

Lessons. You may find that besides your significant other, the best support system you may have might just be yourself. I find this to be true for myself – this might not be so for you. If you have a low tolerance for risk, triple back up your plans. It still may not work out as planned but you will know you tried, and this can be some consolation. Develop a thick skin for failures and disappointments. I have been through a few in the last couple of years that giving up was almost an option. Lastly, believe and trust in God. This coming from a not so religious person might be a shocker. But yes, God sees and fixes everything and in his time things will fall into place.

Best,

Foye.

My take on the Nigerian- Canadian dream: Part 3.

Catch up on Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Because, you won’t meet genuine friends on time, there is a tendency that you will get lonely. Don’t migrate during winter, it will only worsen your loneliness. Be open to new people. But that doesn’t mean that new people will be open to you. Your best bet is to get comfortable with yourself (no porn intended). Watch funny Nigerian videos on YouTube and Facebook. Those will be your immediate respite till you meet friends. If you drink, get used to drinking in the comfort of your room or apartment. For your own sake and that of your pocket, you can’t be bar hopping like you are in Lagos.

Don’t expect to be eating out all the time. Your pocket will grow lean in time. Get used to making your own Nigerian meals. My first 3-4 months were my most depressing. I was eating out and didn’t know where to get Nigerian food. African store was too far from me – almost a contact sport without a car. Probably part of the reason I got a car in less than 4 months of moving here. Now I make the best jollof rice ever and my refrigerator is always stocked with Naija foods. Of course, prepared by me. Quick advice, if you are used to driving back home or had one or two cars back home, get a car within your first three months (and buy it cash down). You won’t regret you did later. Your friends here will probably advice against it.

For grocery shopping, Walmart isn’t your first friend in your first few months. Go to the dollar store (specifically Dollarama) for everything in the first few months until you get used to the concept of the Canadian dollar. It takes getting used to or else everything will seem too expensive. I still make purchases with a conversion to Naira. You will find that quite a lot of things are way cheaper back home. Don’t get carried away with your credit card. You will find that you are better off without it. You need to be financially prudent or else you’d run into problems.

And if you run into financial problems, your Nigerian friends here can’t help you much not because they don’t want to. But because they are probably going through the same thing no matter how long they have been here. Contact your good friends in Nigeria to help out. Recently, I had a discussion with some older “Egbons” (uncles) who were working in top blue-chip companies in Nigeria before relocating to Canada in the last 7-10 years. My surmise from that discussion is no matter how long you have relocated here, you are constantly battling with financial obligation in the system.

These older “Egbons” were shocked how much I understood and knew the system in 11 months. They opened up and regaled me with their stories and experiences in Canada so far. We laughed about it but it wasn’t all palatable. They have 2-3 kids each now and are doing well. However, I couldn’t help but notice that deep down, they felt they’d be doing way better in Nigeria. One of them still has close links and businesses in Nigeria – a fall back plan if you may.   

If you are relocating as a family, you will probably have a softer landing in the system as both of you will be able to support each other. My working hypothesis is that women are more likely to succeed faster in Canada than men. I have no data for this - its based on my observations so far. If your wife is an irritable one, my advice is that you have a heart-to-heart talk within yourselves before leaving Nigeria. The system will test that marital bond. I recently let go of a potential new girlfriend who is in Nigeria – she was the irritable type. I figured she’d never understand the system in Canada easily. In Nigeria, it wouldn’t have been an issue for me – there is always a support system in Nigeria. As a man, be prepared to help with house chores – it’s a partnership here as it should be.

Lastly, have a standard for everything. Have a standard you are not willing to go below regardless of what happens. As a new immigrant, the system will test you and throw things to you. You will consider taking that rather obnoxious and underpaying odd job to make ends meet. Don’t try to become “Canadian” all of a sudden. You will be tempted to associate yourself more as Canadian and behave as such. My finding is that you earn more respect when you state your case based on being true to yourself and where you are from rather than trying to overly blend in.

Be patient and don’t expect your immigration journey to be like anyone else. It never will be. I’m still figuring mine out as well and clearly hoping for it to get better.

Foye.

My take on the Nigerian- Canadian dream: Part 2.

Catch up on part 1 here.

From times past, relocation to more developed nations has always been identified with better economical opportunities and anyone who could find his way out of Nigeria is often deemed to be “opportuned”. The assumption of the average Nigerian is that relocation brings economic progression and opportunities. This is a faulted assumption; one I had previously made in my younger years. While economic progression is expected with relocation, its not always the case.

As a matter of fact, people often struggle in the destination countries for some amount of time before stabilizing. Some never stabilize. However, the stigma of being in a “developed country” and “not making it” often lead people to pretend lifestyle. Its important to understand that its rather rare for your friends living in these countries to paint the picture of real-life situation in these destination countries. Sometimes, when they do, it’s usually discarded, disavowed or rarely believed. Don’t get me wrong, the standard of living in any destination developed country like Canada will always be higher than Nigeria. However, it comes to you at a high cost as an immigrant. Nothing is given unto you for free here – this statement can not be overemphasized. Suffice to say that the family support system and manual everyday labour available in Nigeria is totally out of the equation here.

Say you have finally relocated to Canada either as a Permanent resident or a student, unfortunately the struggle does not necessarily end in Nigeria for you. Firstly, you might need to start all over here which isn’t a bad thing. However, if you are coming in with 5-8 years work experience, MSc or even PhD, starting all over isn’t exactly palatable unless it’s a career change. My first advice, if you have more than 5 years of work experience in Nigeria and earning more than 400,000 naira monthly in Nigeria or somewhere else, rethink your relocation strategy.

Secondly, unlike the US or UK, Canada is just opening itself up more to immigration and is still in its early stages of that. Don’t get me wrong, people have been relocating to Canada for a long time and 4 in 10 people you will meet in Canada are immigrants of different origin. But it was never a first option for Nigerians in general until the last 2-3 years. US and UK have always been the first choice and probably still is (anecdotal data). US was my first choice for my MBA. Relatively higher MBA fees (in comparison to Canada), favourable post study policy and less criminally violent environment pushed me in the direction of Canada. In hindsight, I would have made the same choices given the same situation. However, if I had just a little more money, the US would have been the perfect country for my MBA education.

From my point of view, the average Canadian is more indifferent towards immigration and immigrants than open to it. Also, canadians are the most polite group of people I have ever met. However, being polite is very much different from being friendly. For the average Nigerian, friendship means “I trust you to a reasonable level”. That’s not the same for Canadians as the average Canadian is friendly mostly to be socially correct and polite; this is sometimes followed by a spurious smile. Despite this, I have met some of the most genuine  Canadians around, but racial profiling still lurks around in the system. It might get a little worse if you are black or even Nigerian.

Say you finally landed and living in a Canadian city or municipality, here are a few tips I have learnt in my 11 months of being here. Your first set of friends will probably be the Indians – they are more open and believe in communal living. Your first set of friends won’t be blacks or Nigerians unless those you know closely from back home. Nigerians are generally wary of other Nigerians here. You may not find a lot of Africans or Nigerians around depending on your city. And when you do, they are often less warm or welcoming than you will find back home. This, I find, is often because they are wary of being tagged as “another black man” and the individualistic tendencies of the average Nigerian who believes more in getting ahead by himself than as a community (I intend to write explicitly on this in another essay). Forming a community is one of the ways in which the Indians and the Chinese have been able to build a community and network amongst themselves here. You will find that most Indians and Chinese stay within their close community whether in school or at work.

Ps: Post completed in Part 3 (next post).

Foye.

On Busola Dakolo and our Social Institutions

The duo of Busola and Timi Dakolo might just be the bravest individuals (and couple) I have seen in Nigeria. In a country that stifles individual thought process, promotes social repression and approbates moral and religious hypocrisy, its definitely a rare value to see in exercise. Even more so if it involves going against the age old, supposed “hallowed”, and established religious doctrines or leaders. Busola Dakolo and her husband needs to be highly commended for going against an established system of doing things in Nigeria. That’s bravery at its finest. No other word describes this better.  

For the first time probably, Senior Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA global church has a police case opened up against him for his alleged rape of Busola Dakolo and was forced to step down from his hallowed position as Senior Pastor of his church. This is not the first time he will be accused of rape or sexual impropriety – several women had accused him in the past. However, their account and testimony were mostly discarded and discredited. The most significant of them all was that of Ese Walters in 2013 in which the same Senior Pastor promised to issue a robust response. That response never came expectedly. Biodun Fatoyinbo is used to beating his accusers in a cavalier manner.  

Enter Busola Dakolo several years and accusations later.

No doubt, the veracity of Busola’s claims might be difficult to prove as will be in any rape case or allegation in Nigeria. Even more so as the alleged rape happened when Busola was a minor. However, the video recording of her rendering her ordeal was telling. The rather shoddy and uncharacteristic reactions emanating from Biodun Fatoyinbo and his camp even further telling. No doubt, the judicial system should run its course before pronouncing him guilty. However, this becomes difficult when the judicial system is often rigged in favour of people like him. It has been acclaimed that this will be a media trial. For me, this makes the outcome even more critical for the good and sanity of the Nigerian society at large.

Nigeria today is a cesspool of political, economical, moral and judicial corruption. Nigeria is at its lowest by all economic and developmental indices. But this isn’t about the economy. Its more about the judicial institution and social justice system in Nigeria which we seem, unfortunately, to be lacking in more. Our social and judicial institutions are in a colossal state of disrepute and abuse by the same people who rule the nation. In Nigeria, the powerful becomes more powerful and oppressive while the weak and the underlings continues to be oppressed at their will and behest. This is the unjust dichotomy that exists which prevents people from reporting rape cases in Nigeria in the first place. This and the damaging disposition associated with rape in Nigeria’s social culture is probably the reason why Busola didn’t report the rape in its earlier days.

Biodun Fatoyinbo will probably walk free from this and continue to Pastor over his herd who are mostly incapable of individual or original thinking. As of today, Biodun Fatoyinbo has been reported to have resumed back as Senior Pastor of his church after a month of stepping down. There is nothing more depressing and disappointing than this.

The question, however, is what is the larger implication of this to the social psyche of children and youths watching? Does this mean that people can go scot free for alleged raping even in the presence of a well documented case? Is the current criminal and penal code on rape strong and progressive enough to serve as a deterrent? I think not. There has been increasing anecdotal reports of the raping of women and children in Nigeria. I’m not certain I have heard of any conviction on rape to deter people and shift our demented social default on rape and rape allegations. What will youths in their twenties or even older demented adults learn from this – that they can get away with rape? What will the children of Busola and Timi Dakolo learn from this – that the law is unjust and doesn’t honour its social contract. What will new rape victims do – probably not bother to report knowing the chance of triumph is slimmer.

All of these points in the direction of a need for a critical evaluation of our society. Let’s look beyond our debilitating economy for a second and focus on our social and moral mandates. Can we argue that the rising social issues in the Nigerian society (such as rape, fraud, police brutality, corruption) is emanating from the lack of strong social and judicial institutions combined, at the same time, with high unemployment rate and pervasive poverty? This begs to question which is more important to tackle first: poverty, unemployment or lack of social institution which further drives us down the road to perdition? Do we have thinkers who are researching into our social construct and mandates to improve them? Above all, do we have a government in place who sincerely cares for its citizenry?

I do not have answers yet to a lot of questions that goes through my mind about Nigeria. But I can’t help but continue to think about one question that trumps them all: how do we make Nigeria great? I hope I’d be able to answer this question someday.

I sincerely hope Busola and Timi Dakolo find some respite and consolation for their bravery.

Best,

Foye.

My Take on The Nigerian-Canadian Dream: Part 1

Its been 11 months since I left my rather fairly well-paying job and a PhD program in Nigeria to pursue an MBA program in Canada. Mine was less of an economic move. Rather, it was borne out of an avid desire for educational advancement, international exposure and experience that will shape future plan­­­s. The rather backward political dispensation and retrogressing economy of the largest black Nation did help enable my decision, however. My former employer, a huge multinational of repute, had just closed down its biggest manufacturing plant on that side of Africa for issues related to economic viability and profitability. Put simply, it was becoming difficult to do business in Nigeria.

Thus, the average Nigerian dream of relocation out of Nigeria is mostly based on the gloom and perceived lack of hope or respite in the near future for Nigeria. The body language of the current government and political jobbers seem to be that of “we care more about ourselves and our hefty paychecks than we care for the existence of 186 million Nigerian citizenry”. Sad.

However, this is not a new development. Nigeria has always been afflicted by mediocre and lacklustre leaders who will rather enrich themselves than enable a broken system as indicated by all current economic and development indices. The acclaimed “giant of Africa” continues to underperform. Inflation rate remains relatively high at 11.22%. 5 years inflation rate projection is expected to remain high hovering around 11%. Per capital GDP of Nigeria is 2,396 US dollars as at 2018 with a downward trend since the start of the tenure of the current President in 2015. For perspective, Nigeria has the lowest current per capital GDP among all countries who had similar per capital GDP 30 years ago.

What is different? In 2015, Nigerians elected the current president (often called PMB) under the auspices and expectation of better economic performance, removal of political larceny and corruption from the system as well as uplifting 50% of Nigeria’s population who live in abject poverty. It has always been popularly rationalised that removal of political corruption will lead to economic progression and reduction in poverty – this is a wrong assumption, a dangerous one at that. Its almost impossible to remove corruption entirely from a nascent democracy like Nigeria or any democracy at all.

PMB’s election campaign strategy was centered around this failed expectation; an election he won by a large “rather shifty” margin – he was quite popular amongst the lower class. He was even more popular among the middle class inclusive of myself for his perceived integrity and “no nonsense” demeanor. This was our mistake – a costly one I must say.  

Fast forward to 2019, the Nation under PMB had sunk below all economic indices he met. Suffice to say that financial malfeasance and corruption, the reason he won the election in the first place, is actively thriving. A sitting state Governor was recorded accepting bribes (in foreign currency) several times with no consequence. Another task force head embezzled about 5.5-million-dollars pension fund and is known to be walking around freely. Several ongoing corruption cases involving several former office holders seem to be heading nowhere.  

Furthermore, insecurity in Nigeria heightened and shifted from Boko Haram to Fulani herdsmen (probably with politically motivated undertones in my opinion) but with similar outcome of loss of lives. As at end of 2018, about 1,600 Nigerians had lost their lives to the Fulani herdsmen with another 300,000 displaced. This number maybe shifty as some of the killings go unreported. Kidnaping and highway robbery is on a fast trajectory. Unemployment is at its highest ever at 23.13%. And tertiary education and healthcare system remain at abysmally low levels of functionality.

Therein comes the rather recent spike in the Nigerian-Canadian dream; the dream to relocate out of Nigeria to Canada on grounds of economic progression and safety. And more importantly, the dream to own a second passport. Nigerians have always relocated out of the country. It is said that 1 in every 7 black person in the world is Nigerian. Some other unpublished data suggests that 1 in every 4 black person is Nigerian. This wasn’t obvious to me till I relocated out of the country despite being averagely travelled previously.

However, an increasing number of mostly middle-class Nigerians seem to be exiting and relocating to better climes in Canada and Australia in droves. In 2016, the number of Nigerian citizens that was issued an invitation to apply for Canadian Permanent Residency program was 1,041 people. By 2017, that number increased to 5,130; about 4000% increase. In 2018, the number of Nigerians invited to apply for Canadian Permanent residency climbed up once again to 6,025; another 17% increase. There is no published data on the actual number of people who applied to the Express entry program. I reckon, however, that the growth rate for this will be in thousand-fold.

What about the student visa applications? Data available suggests an astronomical surge in the application to Canadian Universities and colleges by Nigerians. Nigeria is now one of the top 10 markets for university and college recruitment. My MBA program administrator recently invited me into a meeting to discuss how to tap into the Nigerian market. Why? Because there has suddenly been a spike in rate of application for the MBA program from Nigeria. Interactions with friends in other business schools in Canada suggest the same trend. Despite this, the rate of student visa refusal from Nigeria is astronomically higher than would be expected. At 81% student visa refusal rate, less than 2 out of every 10 student visa application from Nigeria is approved. However, this doesn’t seem to deter Nigerians from applying still.

Besides Canada, a publicly available data states that there has been a 15.2% increase in the number of Nigerians who overstayed their US visa in 2018 vs 2017. A total of 29,723 Nigerians overstayed their US Visa in 2018 only. This has led to an even more stringent visa application process for Nigerians applying to United states. Ditto United Kingdom.

All of these suggest a dangerous shift in the average Nigerian dream. Ten or so years ago, the average Nigerian dream would have been to graduate from the university, get a great job with a multinational company, earn a stable income and start a family. This has since changed as hordes of “comfortable middle class” Nigerians continue to plan their exit from a “perceived failing country”. The big question, however, is does the average Nigerian dream end with relocation to Canada? Does the struggle end with relocation? I think not.

Ps: Write up finished in part 2.  

Foye

 

Transitioning…….......

It’s been about four months and that thing they say about being away from home was biting. Biting really hard. You find yourself looking for something familiar, something that resonates with home to hold on to. Nobody ever says how lonely it might get here. 

You convince yourself the umpteenth time that you didn’t miss home. There was nothing much to miss; you say. In the last three years, you had lived your life in way you could up and leave without any commitments. It had not always been like that when there was a woman in your life. However, since things took the downward spiral, you had avoided any form of commitment. Maybe that will change soon. 

The few female friends around you couldn’t understand why you were mostly unavailable emotionally or otherwise. In fact, only very few close people knew when you decided to up and leave. Even fewer understand why. 

Transitioning hadn’t been your plan from the outset. You always had one thing or the other ongoing back home at every point in time. Of all your close friends, you were the least expected to move and the last to do so. You were at least five years late to the party and it wasn’t exactly a palatable realization. You were starting all over – probably why it wasn’t an option you wanted to explore initially. But somehow it became part of a bigger plan.

You didn’t leave a lot behind besides an academic commitment which you are now struggling to keep. You tell yourself it’s one of the things that will make it all worth the while if you complete it. But you are struggling. Struggling hard. Even while back home, you were struggling. Your job gave you no space or time. But it was one of the things you truly wanted, truly desired and truly want to see completed. Silently, you hope you have not fumbled on that. 

Few days ago, you made the first Nigerian meal. Two packs of original indomie noodles pack with two boiled egg. It was your bachelor’s starter pack back home. You relished it with so much gusto. You haven’t had a Naija meal since you got here besides some dodo and egg stew meal you had at a close friend’s sisters home when you and your friend went visiting. You figured eating something familiar is definitely a good thing. You’d be making your second meal today. 

You find that the black stereotype still exists here despite the multicultural society of your city. On a downtown bound bus ride one Thursday afternoon, you brought a book along to read on the bus. You do this quite frequently when the bus ride will be long. Few minutes into reading, you see an older Caucasian woman staring at you with a “How come this black guy is reading a book. And on a bus” question plastered to her face. 

On another bus ride, it was an Indian woman with the same questioning expression on her face. You just couldn’t understand. You miss reading on bus rides now. 

Another time, it was older Caucasian man walking his dog who stopped in his tracks while you were walking ahead of him. Why? it was 6.30am and you had stopped suddenly to lace your shoes. You were on your way to campus with a cup of Tim Hortons coffee in hand. This older man stopped and wouldn’t move until you started walking again. You wondered what kind of criminal will have a cup of coffee with him at 6.30am. Next morning, same man and his dog will see you as you alighted from your car after parking and will give you a nod. You simply nodded back. 

You have started to get weary of people asking for your traditional African name. All your life, you have answered to an English name officially. Only family typically called you your traditional name. Yet some random guy here will question “why are you not bearing your traditional name” as if you were catfishing. You find that this only happens when you meet some random black guy probably of African origin. You made a mental note to avoid such ignorant conversation in the future.

The ongoing and rather humongous scandal of Nigerians crossing the border to declare asylum doesn’t do much for an already battered average Nigerian image. These days you hardly introduce yourself as a Nigerian unless totally necessary. In four months, you have observed how expressions and attitudes change when the word “Nigeria” rolls out. However, subtle or masked, the change in expression is always there. The average North American never wants to sound or look offensive even if he is. Some hypocrisy in there if you ask me. 

It’s funny how some of our age long prejudices are basically a result of our experiences. In just three months, you had let go of one of your misconceived prejudices about women who wear nose ring or with extra ear piercings. You just never liked it – you felt it was too outlandish. Would you date a woman who wears a nose ring now? Maybe not yet, but you’d go out with her. Few months back, you probably wouldn’t even saunter into a conversation with a woman with nose ring or with extra ear piercings.

Foye.

Ps. Decisions are hard to make. Making a big change even makes it harder to decide on. You recall how much you deliberated while deciding to transition. You realize now that you unconsciously go through a big change every other five years. You are already looking forward to the next big change.

ON BELEAGUERED THOUGHTS....

You are angry, very angry. But you had every right to be. You never expected that you will end up in this conundrum. This is the type of conundrum one spends a whole life avoiding. But then, life is what it is, LIFE!!!. You have never been this angry about thing in all of your adult life. And you can’t seem to move past it. You have made up your mind and it wasn’t going to change.

You are hurting, hurting really deeply. You are not the emotional type; issues hardly get to you. You have mastered your emotions as such that all is always fine. But this isn’t fine. No one has a right to hurt anyone this deeply and take away that little happiness you have. Happiness supposedly comes from within they say. But then what happens when that little light of happiness is taken out by a selfish conception of someone who is meant to love you? Worse, you are not exactly the happy person by nature; you have a little phleg in your personality. She has hurt you and taken away the little happiness you had. You could never forgive her. This you know almost beyond doubt.

You see, you are unforgiving when you are hurt deeply. This they do not know. They expect time to heal these wounds; they expect you should act normally like nothing is wrong. You vehemently disagree that time will heal such deep rooted hurt, anger and probably hatred. Strong words to use, you muttered quietly but quite frankly it’s the way you feel.

You asked yourself if this will all matter in 5 or 10 years’ time. Your response was in the affirmative. The truth is this has altered your life plans beyond your expectation. You are still struggling with the aftermath of this. You will probably still be dealing with it in next 5 or 10 years’ time. This saddens you the more.

Your friends don’t understand the situation and wave it off that you are weirdo. It’s more painful when you have no one to share your pains with. You have tears in your eyes as you write this. You wipe this away and force a smile. It’s the New Year’s Day. The second or third holidays you are spending alone. No one understands why. It’s definitely not by design.

Your hurting has pushed you to seek for attention and distraction in a lot of wrong places. You had become this person you were not sure you knew. You could hardly recognize yourself in some actions or decisions. You had become impulsive in your personal life. You looked for liminal happiness everywhere you could. You had become a lackluster version of you.

You see, you know that life is a chain of events; a chain of interconnected events more related than humanity will like to believe or accept. One of your philosophies to life has always been that any action will bring an equal and sometimes elevated reaction. This you reflected on in your supine state as you recap on mostly uninspiring happenings in the past year.  To be honest, you didn’t have a lot of inspiring moments in the past year apart from meeting this wonderful friend who was quite supportive.

You knew the actions and elevated reactions that brought you here. You knew the wrong actions you took and the elevated reactions from her that degenerated into the current conundrum. You see, it had all started with her, her highhandedness, her contrived meddlesomeness, her sheer hypocrisy and her ever demanding control.

You had always had some form of reservation for her. This they do not know. Six years ago when you didn’t speak to her for over six months for a lesser misdemeanor, you figured you were capable of never speaking to her for a life time if pushed. You were not banking on any happenstance to push you to make that decision. It had always been rough between you and her. You never liked what she represented. She was the most hypocritical person you knew.

Her hypocrisy had been part of the reason why you never stepped into church for over eight years. You questioned every pedestal religion rested on. You questioned God and his existence. You went from being an atheist to being an agnostic during the period. You are still questioning religion and its impact on humanity till now. You actually think that religion has now become this contrivance religious leaders use to scam unknowing worshippers. But then, this is a discussion for another time.

Truth be told, you figured she probably loves you. But you are not sure you care for you believe that if someone truly loves you, they will want you to be happy and support your decision. Instead, she has taken the little happiness you had. You are certain she will be quoting some mundane spiritual attack as responsible for a problem she caused and that could have been averted long before now.

You are more beleaguered that not a single one of them could tell her the hard truth as glaring as it is. They keep saying you need to handle her with care. However, what you hear is we are scared of her and her trouble; hence you are on your own. You are more disappointed in him and you told him same for he handled the situation with the same scared mindset. He handled the situation in a way someone you respected the most wouldn’t. That respect has since gone with the winds. You see en, this thing lies very deep and you know it.

2017 was probably the most challenging year for you in all ramifications; you dealt with long standing personal issues, you lost a great friend, you learnt that the most supportive person may not necessarily be related by blood; you learnt that having a bad landlord is like having a bad migraine that never goes away. You didn’t grow much in 2017 neither did you write or read much. This you intend to change. You also think it’s time to get a bit involved in social programs and politics.

Cheers to the New Year.

Foye.